I have not seen him since. But somehow it was a comfort to know he walked the land again. Good omens are something hard to come by at present. I will choose to take it as such. Knight Azure tried to feed him, so she told me - how that makes me smile. But I have not seen the one I sent him to speak with. There are many distractions it is true - but somewhere in the back of my mind and heart there is always a sense of searching for them; missing them; needing them.

Busy they will be indeed. The first round of our contest has been held. The Explorers will go through. But more important of course is all that has been happening. I have spoken long with brother Scally. People are talking everywhere of things and then almost shrugging their shoulders as they go off to fill their pockets with wealth. But then what else is there to be done? Sitting around philosophising is not achieving anything either it seems. I heard of great prayers and light in Branishor - the darkness remains and creatures fester on where they might have been slain during that time. Yet what should we do BUT pray to our gods and seek their divine guidance….. any course of action seems futile and to the detriment of something else. Thank god for all the great and wise in the land. But what does it mean for them - for all will look to them for a solution. But we have seen before that even the youngest initiate can open our eyes to a course of action. Just look at the King’s statue….

And thank the gods and goddesses for the Queen. News was sent abroad in the land that her soldiers had ….. well it is hard to know what really. Save to say they dealt with someone who was continually unwilling to conform to her orders. This is true and right and may whoever the perpetrator be realise the error of their ways. My first thought was a rising bile of panic: Was she safe? Did this action show something wrong at the palace?

Knight Azure said all was well and that the Queen had everything under control. I did not doubt that for a moment but stumbled out of the Dark Land and made my way along the Royal Road. The throne room was empty and all was hushed and quiet. Almost too quiet - but that is only because I allowed my mind to build a situation where there was not one. Scally said it always started quiet….as a normal raid - whatever a normal raid might be - and then escalated and then all places - Her home included - were defiled. As I stood in thought Knight Hojo arrived. He greeted me kindly as always and I told him I was just checking…… He had not heard the announcement so I gave it to him as best as I could remember, and that Azure had said all was well. Knight Hojo said that if Azure said all was well, it must be so. I realised then my words must have sounded as if I doubted her. I was tongue tied at this unhappy thought. I do not know what it is with Knight Hojo. I regard him highly and he is surely one of the best men I know in the land. His meetings with me are always cordial and yet…. I feel I disappoint him somehow. Perhaps that is too strong…. But I never say the right thing and though he treats me kindly and seems to take a great deal of care over me - as he does everyone - I wonder if I can truly call him friend. I should not aspire to it I know - he is such a complex man I think…. Iron Knights, experience tells me, tend to be so.

Ah the Iron Knights…..what must these times be doing to them? I wonder if they can feel my prayers. I sense terrible danger - even for the Queen herself. And they are such warriors that the defence falls to them. It falls to us all of course, but…. they will feel it more I think.

I can be nothing in these times. Sorynn, when we talked, made me see it - if I did not in truth already know it. Were I to have disappeared in a cloud of darkness I would be missed, for a while; but they have the strength to absorb pain and turn it into strength. I do not have that strength. And it is painful to know that however sweet and deep a love there is…. it is, for them at least, transient - or would be should the time arise when the gods see fit to take me. I think the gods seek to teach me in this knowledge. Needy vanity is ugly I suppose, and I see that ugliness in me. I would crawl over broken glass to reach them and to be held for a few sweet moments. It is a cruel thing, somehow, to have this great love and for it to feel …… ridiculous thoughts! In my body I must seek the roots of the mountains, in my soul I must find the clean mountain air and in my mind’s eye I must remember the view from that mountain. I am all I, or anyone I think (well except names I will keep in my heart) COULD be to them. The very strengths and their spirit and soul and the heart of this wonderful man - all these things that make me love them so completely, are by their very definition their wall - their great tower of strength that will stop anyone truly getting into them. Can I content myself with the warmth radiating from these walls in the evenings….as they throw out the heat of their soul retained from their life during the day? Aye - I can and I must. My fears are great for them - where the events of these last dreadful days might lead them leaves me cold as the ice cavern itself. I feel wretchedly useless to them - I cannot offer them comfort, counsel…. Not even strength in war. All I can do is heal them - as can any of the healers in the land or any cleric come to that. All I can be is perhaps, though it would be undeserved, a fleeting thought. Maybe - just maybe when all the land turns over in their mind before rest - I might be a vague impression of something good in their life - amongst all this darkness and pain and death. Maybe when those eyes turn to the stars for a brief moment they will know I am looking at the same sky. Will they glance at their hand sometimes…. I often do. I remember that moment at the Temple in Iscax. Do they think sometimes on the garden and the beautiful trees that glow with berries? If my hands stray to my neck as I unlatch my holy ring to heal, I do.

Miranda - may her beauty ever shine - appeared in the nexus, Scally tells me, at the moment of greatest danger. In that there must be hope.

I feel adrift as though lost in the nexus….. but I am tethered by strong ties indeed to a mountain and to a tower atop that mountain.

I cannot let anyone know my thoughts.

What are these days that come to pass? I hear terrible tales. I have been at work and barely abroad and have not heard half of what has come to pass. The nexus - that mysterious and wholly unknown place to me - that great mystery of the enchanters - destroyed. That is what my ears tell me. Branishor - bright and glorious city - even there is tainted.

I hear places I consider holy - for myself if not by their location - damaged. Destroyed. Blackened.

It seems a strange thing to celebrate anything. The guild - my dearest and most beloved brothers and sisters - the mark they have left on the land is staggering - five long years they have fought and struggled. And the contest has begun that I devised...yet without me. It does not do to let a task wash over one so completely - I have left it to others to take the burden of making it happen. I am so relieved I took a break to help with the play of the two Cory's....though I fear my part was poorly played. By the gods Sorynn and Purazon and my Lord JKD were marvellous - rose to the occassion so wonderfully.

I went to rest tired yet happy.

Yet on waking..... oh gods. So happy I was to see his face. Old friend indeed - and so attired - his medal, his gold-spun garb and beautiful instrument. His strange accent washed as ever it did, almost a grate because it is now so unfamiliar, and yet how my heart leapt. Too long since his words and music washed the land. Then he sent a message asking....and but one word was enough.....grief, sadness, guilt even......... he said that name - the one so dear - to all the land before me of course.....

And I answered as honest as I could.

I told him to seek dear Purazon. Have I now left a greater burden at his door?

I shall wrap myself in .....in what? I do not know.

Yet the warrior I yearn for - and pray for.... and for all the Land.

No-one can predict anything.

Well - the invitation has been announced and the Valornian Guild Challenge is really happening! I find it exciting and terrifying at once that an idea I had should be deemed worthy of such an event by the rest of the dear guild. There will be many other events I know - I so hope all our dear friends will want to join in and celebrate with us. The work of course must now continue at a pace! I will have no more time for day dreams and inward thoughts. All the dear guild are helping and I think we are all enjoying learning more about the wonderful land we call home. It gives me a real sense of the joy dear Purazon finds in his studies - and anything that brings me closer to understanding him must be a joy in itself. I have just spied two or three volumes on a top shelf I have not seen before…. That will be my next reading…..

How my head aches. Yet again I am moved to untold admiration for dear Purazon and Korba who have studied and still study so very hard. For all the reading I have done in this room now so dear to me, I am not used to interpreting work and finding specific answers to things - I have spent day upon day here researching for the event we hope to announce soon. It is only right that I should - one cannot have an idea and then expect others to carry it through. But oh how it makes me realise what hard work dear Purazon has immersed himself on with all the events he has organised in the past. Where does that man find the energy….for all the while he is studying and organising, caring and cajoling, training and teaching, and fighting with the strength of many, he is still fervently in devotion to the gods and serving the Queen and her lands…. What inner strength lies there? And now he holds my hand as I stumble through my first tentative plans. I do not deserve him: As a brother, or a friend or… we are so lucky to have him. The entire guild is helping me in my work of course - where would I be without them? Nowhere is the answer. Pain and death are dulled in my memory now it is true, thanks to them, but every so often it is all recent enough for me to remember what I would have become had they not been there to carry me. Well now they help me and support me through something altogether more agreeable. The dear Guild will soon be celebrating a momentous anniversary. I hope my work will help that to happen.

All this time spent at this desk has left me much time for contemplation. I have not the strength of dear Purazon and every so often I must look away from my work and rub my tired eyes, close them and think. I feel - cut loose - slightly at present. I am not quite sure of my place. Sorynn and I spoke at length - her spirit returns to her a little - or at least she acts as though it has - Purazon helped her - they spoke and he said words that comforted her….. though when she repeated them to me there was a bitter sweet taste to them. They have made me wonder…. And opened my longing again. Foolish thoughts - be content with what the gods give us - that is a good philosophy for life.

It is no good wishing for what cannot be: Or to hope to be more than you are. Vanity, it seems, creeps into the strangest places. At least - I think it is vanity. I dream sometimes of a voice crying out to me and my hand reaching down into the blackest of darkness and grasping theirs. Somehow I can draw them up into the light. I heal them and they lay quiet in my arms like a sleeping child. I wake from those dreams with a feeling of deep peace but it lasts but a few fleeting moments.

My mind drifts back to the mountains too. I see them stripped down to the man without the armour and weapons they usually carry so valiantly. I see them relax and close their eyes and look truly happy. No cares or worries over them. That, of course, can never last - they care too deeply and are as much a part of these lands as the very roots of the mountains. Where there is danger, they MUST worry. As they themselves said to my sister - their duty will always come first.

And my lack of dedication is obvious indeed once more - for my mind has scattered about the room away from the task in hand. It will not do. I can look at the empty jar dear Starling gave me and remember why she gave it to me. These thoughts will remain with me alone and not trouble any other. So funny - it feels almost as it did towards the end of those long months when they were close, and yet so far away. But they are NOT far way. They are here in my heart and it always feels as though they are here in the library. I have much to be thankful for and may the gods and goddesses forgive my ingratitude.

Back to work…

Though I feel I could drop from exhaustion and my limbs ache from the strain of repetitive exercise, I feel I could take on all the Land’s enemies! I have spent days…literally days…ploughing away in the guild training room. I have not trained to the best of my ability I am sure - and have found it difficult to do so on my own - but all have their duties and their paths to follow and cannot be expected to baby-sit others. I have been glad of the armoury - I have tried different weapons and shields…. Different weights and balances…… and still my rapier sings in my hands. I have stood here in this room where my stronger brothers and sisters have stood before me - the toil and the achievement seeps from the walls as well as the smell…. Yet somehow when training here the smell is not offensive…it is just a fabric of the place. So in a pair of simple rugged boots and my armour I have put my body through - well - torture I suppose. Yet I still wear my robe touched by the blessed goddess - I still have my rapier touched by the Queen’s fair hand - I feel armed beyond my weapon and protected by more than mere armour. I do not know what I have achieved except to feel more ready - and perhaps that is an achievement in itself.

I think I am ready to venture out again. And by the gods - may the enemies I face have merciful death come to them quickly for I will bite hard: Much harder than they remember I can….

I could not possibly have written more than the few meaningless words I put down as my eyes were closing. How inadequate and unworthy! My mind is clearer now but not able to express myself properly I am sure…

When we finally pass from this life and the land and we wake, we hope, with the grace of the gods, in their eternal home to serve them for all eternity, how will we feel…. as peaceful as I do now? As rested? As though newly born? Could it possibly be more than I feel now? If so then I do not know how my soul could bear such unutterable joy.

I had already spent most of the afternoon in helping those newly arrived to the lands - it was rewarding work. I wonder sometimes of anything is quite so fulfilling. Then I received a note from Tellis who I have helped before. He has a great fire in him to rise in skill and to go to the temple though it will be some time before he can.

The late afternoon was a blaze of wonderful, beautiful light and the enchanters are to be congratulated! Such colour shot into the sky! We saw Tyral and Scooter, vipers…oh all manner of things! What Tyral would have made of seeing himself in the sky I do not know - it would surely have driven him as senseless as the madmen that plague Fartown! And such a crowd! Such a crowd as I have ever seen! And they were there. For all that crowd, all that throng of people, for a brief moment our eyes met and all I could see was them. There was something wonderfully secretive in standing beside them watching the wonder of the display. Our hands found each other. It was as whole an experience as anything I have felt - except perhaps that time in the Iscax Temple…. I felt the thrill of touch run up my arm and right through me. I had so longed to see them and on this blessed last day of Sunrifter’s festival, the gods brought me to them. It was all over too soon and I sensed a weariness in them - I knew they must take their leave and rest - indeed I wanted them to. Not to be parted from them - I would give anything to lay at their side and sleep sweetly - but for them to be properly rested and to have a care for themselves and not just everyone around them. Somehow as they left the light from their weapon was almost as bright as the display that had gone before. Certainly it was imprinted in my mind as clear as anything.

I journeyed quietly up to Milltown to prepare myself for the ceremony to come. I was thankful that only one or two had got there before me - I was able to go into the gathering hall and kneel in prayer. The planning had taken so very long and Topaz had put in so much hard work, I did not want to let her, or indeed the gods, down by not performing - no that is not the right word - taking part to the best of my abilities.

By the time I felt ready, with some words of comfort from Sorynn, and re-entered the shrine a crowd had once again gathered. It was not as big or celebratory as the one just left in Dundee, but many had made the same pilgrimage and wished to honour the gods and goddesses. There was a mood of quiet joyful expectancy. Then just as the marc of dusk was upon us, it happened. Her beautiful, radiant, holy face appeared to us - Viscontessa Miranda - may her hair be ever a beautiful waterfall and her face a vision of loveliness - she came among all those present and we were filled with awe. We felt a scattering of sparks and I felt I would faint away at her lovely presence - I bowed low. She seemed amused by the number of people and asked whether we were in need of prayer. My friend Tellis had arrived unnoticed and quite innocently exclaimed the wonders of a prayer from a goddess. Of course he should not have done so, and only the sense of awe I am sure put the tongue in his head. Miranda made a comment that the prayers would be from us for her benevolence and general good humour. I let some words fall from my lips that surely we should always need to pray to our gods and that we did so gladly and without expectation. The great goddess said ‘flattery how we suffer it’ or some such. I wish I could remember exactly but the sound of her voice upon my ears was so beautiful it moved my mind to another place at moments. I was glad when the Lady Ellyana, who looks much better gods be thanked, opened the ceremony.

It was strange - once the beautiful words Topaz had written began to be spoken I felt more at peace and at one and the presence of the dear goddess seemed to move the whole ceremony to a higher plane. I felt removed from my body and my spirit swelled. Somehow, stiltingly, and without the grace of the Lady Ellyana, my turn came and the words were said. I felt my arms raised up as I said them, quite unconscious, and felt such an overwhelming rush of emotion was sure I would weep - I did not I am glad to say.

When all had been said, many many jewels were cast upon the ground and Sorynn and I blessed all with Cory’s light. Then wonder of wonders - the goddess herself concentrated intently and the jewels took on a new god-given fire that no amount of polishing or Valornian blessing could have given them. This was blinding divine light of the goddess. Radiance beyond measure! My eyes felt they would surely split from all the light - I shielded my eyes - and then it happened. The rapture knew no bounds. I was still lost in the knowledge of what a pale insignificant shadow the blessings I can bestow are compared to the power of the gods and goddesses - wonderment at the sheer raw power of Miranda - when she touched the three of us - Ellyana, Topaz and me - our robes and clothing suddenly shone with the touch of Her gracious hand and exuded godly radiance. My skin felt as though it were on fire and kissed all over at the same time to be surrounded by such beauty. Then, still generous, she bestowed a godly blessing on all those present. Then she spoke to us and hoped that the spirit of Sunrifter festival stay with us throughout the whole year. Ah great is her goodness and her care of us. I said aloud the words in my mind that when things seemed dark or difficult we should recall this moment and she seemed pleased as she withdrew back to great Sunrifter itself.

I threw myself on the floor a moment and lay still completely overcome by the extraordinary events of the day. I hugged myself and concentrated trying to capture the feeling - the memory - perfect for all eternity. I had to leave them and come to the hall. I behaved like a child then though completely exhausted - I spun round and around until I was dizzy and threw myself onto a bed in the guild quarters still feeling full of light and love and adoration for the goddess. What a sublime moment - a life-changing moment.

I slept - slept the sleep of years. I have awoken now refreshed, I feel healed - I swear the burns on my face seem to have faded more overnight. I feel on fire…. I still feel the remnants of her beautiful blessings - and strange - the feeling is strongest in the fingers of one hand - especially if I recall the light in the sky at the enchanters’ show. And the one I stood next to….oh what would he have made of it all…. I will never be able to explain…

The gods and goddesses be PRAISED!

Touched! Touched deeper than any water! More truly than any arrow could pierce the softest fruit! More completely than anything could be!

Touched by radiance and blessings and the soft hand of love!

I thrill to the touch and wish it would never end....

What a strange day. Shirila had no need to be worried about her portal races. I think they went well…least it looked as though they went well… I only went to take some furs and good food and drink for Lady Ellyana who has looked so unwell of late. I wanted her to be warm and well fed and comfortable. She told me she would not now be taking part in the races as she did not feel well enough. I do not know the lady well, but would care for her as much as any. And I know what comfort such a seemingly small thing as a cloak gently laid over me as I slept was to me….

As it was when I arrived, the lady was met by her mate - a man named Pallas. I do not know him well and have only passed him once or twice. There is something…overawes me slightly. They are so easy and open and public with each other. I never know quite what to think or do when I see them…. I certainly did not wish to intrude on their time together - the gods know how precious such time is…. So I slipped to the back and watched. It seemed I had just missed some running - it worked so: Shirila cast a portal and then all who entered it raced back as quickly as possible from the place they ended up. I have never spent any time in the Athletic Ground - it has a deserted feel to it. But what better place for races?

I watched all those strong adventurers like Knight Azure and Jezzara, among others, leaping and arriving back exhausted but determined and felt my own weakness again. So what did I do? Interfered and foolishly donned all my equipment finally placing my mask over my fixed smile of a face - oh the relief of letting it slip and acknowledge the pain. Then Shirila cast two portals side by side. I leapt into one and you know I cannot even remember where I ended up - the grasslands I think…. the journey disorientated me - everywhere I turned were enemies stabbing and slashing at me - I managed to blindly stumble a few steps and then slammed back into the life monument. I could not bear to crawl back there humiliated and weak - so I staggered back to the guildhall again.

My prayers will be simple - may the three newcomers I came across and helped today find kindness and knowledge and grow to love their gods and all the land has to offer, may the guild be safe and well, may I grow in strength…. May I not be this sickly, weak-willed, pathetic creature and may that dearest, dearest of ones come to me soon. It feels as though a life time has passed since I saw their face. But I recall the unworthy words I sent to them - I should remember them more often and stop these feelings of doubt and loneliness.

I feel as though my brain is not fixed within my head but rattles about inside it. I remember, years ago back at home, one of the young men my birth father employed returning from a hunt. He had fallen and somehow struck his head - I do not remember the exact details. Strange enough I do remember his name….it was Ranulph. We spoke a few times I think…strange how things come back to you. Though he looked well enough when he was carried in it was clear that this blow to his head had in some way really damaged him. It was days before he could speak properly and he had terrible headaches and dizzy spells and moments of forgetfulness. It was quite acceptable for girls of my position to tend sick men. I think they rather liked it - the girls that is - though come to think of it, the boys did too…… so I took him broth and various healing waters…. and we talked some…. I remember thinking that I wished my birth father would not have made such definite plans for me. He was a handsome boy and I confess I enjoyed his company. No way one such as him - a servant after all - would have been deemed suitable. I laugh now to think on him. Girls’ heads are easily turned. If I were to appraise him now what would I think of him? A pleasant enough man, yet nothing to stir within me. Perhaps that is what knowing true love does. It washes across experience past and what is to come showing up all around it as a wistful pretender to the true love…..

…….I had to pause there. My mind disappeared on such a tangent I could hardly find it again. What in all the lands did that memory rising for…I have no idea. All I meant to glean from it was a similarity in symptoms. I think when that Horror struck me down it was with such force it has somehow dislodged my brain. It will certainly pass I am sure. I do feel a little better today. The company helped yestereve. I spent all the day in a weakened state where I could not even get the strength to remove my armour. It seemed every time I tried to move a dizzy sickness entered my head and I felt my stomach rise. All I could do was lay down again. It was late evening before I managed to pull myself together enough to risk getting changed. It exhausted me. By then of course, Knight Azure’s Sunrifter picnic was almost done. I felt I would let he down by not being there - and I am learning that mere messages do not placate her fears for people. She takes such particular care over everyone. I knew if I did not appear it would be to the ill - she has wasted enough time over me and I would not cause her further worry. So with my cloak clutched tightly about me I stumbled my way through the town. I had to stop every few steps, but I got there. Sorynn met with me in Milltown quite by chance. She looked…hollow…burned out somehow, but I was in no state to comfort her… I needed her badly - I had hoped she would come with me through the forest…but she had gone before I could properly ask her. I was angry with myself - I cannot keep relying on others. I need to be stronger. A better example. A better companion…. A better companion for one who is so strong… the thought drove me on and pulling myself as upright as I could I came upon Worldbuilders Lawn. In the crowd it was easy to fix a smile and sink to the grass. All were sat about in easy conversation so another taking a place was quite normal. The mother was there - quiet: Tired perhaps she was. Knight Azure looked wonderful - full of good cheer and possibly food. Scally too was there and seemed glad to partake of the humble offerings I remembered to bring…. Topaz sadly was just leaving but it was good to see her face. The actor was there too…I wish I knew what it was about his presence troubles me. He is so…. I wish I could find the right word - I could not do so last eve. Confident certainly…. And not unkind…but…. He enjoys the effect he has on people too I think - and I wish I could swallow it down but I feel the rose come to my cheeks whenever he speaks to me…. He did not stay long, and yet he seemed unable to resist saying something to make my face grow hot as he left. Jezzara was there too and wearing one of the fabled crowns - that if Thespis. How well deserved. I was so pleased to see her - she looked radiant. And far from a monster! She had been described so by the actor but Knight Azure and the lady herself reassured me it was because the creatures she fought were found to be demons in a story that had been told. Jezzara said that all were monsters depending on your point of view. Troubling though was the news that ants had appeared! Here in Dundee! And in such a place! Larvae even…..I shudder to think of it. Knight Azure thinks it may have been all the talk and the food attracted them…. I hope that is all. Anyway it seems there was then a cooking demonstration! Ants legs….. I wished he were there any way but suddenly as I heard of that I missed dear Purazon. He would have loved that - his cooking contest is still spoken of. And it would have done my heart good to have thought of him there among friends, lying in Sunrifter’s blessed gaze…. Rested and well fed - perhaps with a glass of wine. Laughing and listening to stories….. I closed my eyes a moment as I listened and held back the tears there.

As I arrived, most were leaving. I felt a presence though in that place - and Knight Azure was touched by the very gods themselves…. A blessing came upon them. She is so calm in Their wondrous presence. A small bow of the head and a reverent thank you…. I am so glad they came upon her for she does so much for us all….and it was good to know They were there in that place.

So I got through it with a fixed smile and clenching my teeth. In the end there were just Jezzara, Knight Azure and two sleeping forms…Alafa and the Lady Elyanna. I hope her snores meant that Alafa had enjoyed her day. I made sure she was well tucked into her cloak and after all had left pulled myself up again thinking of that dearest one and determined to clean my blade. How they would frown and raise their eyebrow if they could see it. So I was alone - well with the sleeping form of mother Alafa and I polished my rapier so it gleamed. I had meant to stay with her - look after her and watch over her… but I could feel the sickness and dizziness rising again and knew if I did not do something soon I would collapse where I sat. Knight Hojo’s words came back to me and I did not dare to let it happen. So I fetched food and drink, extras furs and a torch for fear she might wake unexpectedly in the dark and be afraid and left her safe enough I hope. A message arrived from a young one then asking where some certain armour might be found. Thanks to Sorynn it was obtained - I had not realised how hard that fight had taken me - I was back at the life monument in seconds as I tried to get to the place to fetch it. It was delivered and now I find myself back at the halls. I will pay for my stubbornness - I feel weak. My very blood seems to hurt as it pumps around my body. Horrors….. I see them if I try to close my eyes but I MUST close my eyes….

Oh gods how I wish I could feel arms about me, soothing words, warmth next to me… but they are away doing their duty and I pray they are safe as they do it…

Darkness. Despair. Fear. Danger. Evil. So much evil…..

Never a creature more aptly named. Its eyes…. If you can really call them such…. Full of its wretched and disgusting name…. and truly…. truly it is the epitome of its name….

The bridge is more than just a walkway… it is… it is the passage into untold evil and death. Immeasurable numbers of marcs…they disappeared…. They melted away into an eternity of pain and suffering - so each second there seems……is it a marc, a year, a decade…… it could be all…. Yet it could not have been. I think I am as I was….I have not been lost for years though it felt as though those many marcs were….

As its eyes bored into mine and I felt the life sucked from me under its gaze…my arms suddenly could not even so much as lift my ring…. The light it managed to make lost in that impenetrable darkness….my weapon as useless as over-ripe Korunga….. my armour weighing me so that I cold not move….do nothing but kneel before it in a forced attitude of supplication….. arms outstretched, throat laid back, mouth open…..waiting and waiting until at last it went from me in a huge wave of explosive pain and blood and cold.

It was different this time. The gods were in that place….I was in Dundee… but though I knew I lived, I could not open my eyes….. and breath would not enter me… then a huge drag of breath flew into me… blood - tasting it makes me wretch…. My blood. Vague recollections of snatches of conversation…you are far from a street urchin… I had to move…. Crawled through the forest….

I cannot even undress…. I cannot write more…. My head….my burns sing…. blood…